God takes care of drunks and babies.
Do you know how lucky that is for a drunk baby?

No, Ociffer, I Haben't Been Dwinking

Dude, Where's My Bar?

Things Have Changed! It used to be sex, then a cigarette. Now, it is a birth control patch, then a nicotine patch.

Save A Virgin. Do Me Instead.

Jesus Saves ... At ThriftyMart.

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful. Hate Me Because I'm a bitch!

Damn right, I'm good in bed... I can sleep for days!

I like to get drunk and place bids on Ebay.

The Whole World Doesn't Revolve Around You (it revolves around me).

If I'm Not Happy, Nobody's Happy

I used to jog 5 miles a day. Then I found a short cut.

Caution Blonde Thinking

My doctor keeps up on the latest in medicine. He never misses an episode of ER.

I got a pair of hamsters for my teenage son. I think I made a good trade.

My camoflauge store went belly up because no one could find it.

Just because it takes the Jaws of Life to get my wallet open doesn't mean I'm cheap!

I fart, therefore I am

huked on fonics reely wurked fer mee

Get a life? Where can I download one?

Just when I find the key to success, someone goes and changes all the locks.

I live at the corner of Kiss My Ass Avenue and
No Friggin Way.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately,
it kills all of its students

Chaos. Panic. Disorder.
My work here is done.

G.R.I.T.S (Girls Raised In The South)